I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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