i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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