you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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