we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
