My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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