remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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