I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
