I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize