So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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