ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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