i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
