So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
