eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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