Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize