My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
