i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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