I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
