I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
