I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
