My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
