I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
