I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
