Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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