I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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