my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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