If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
