what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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