he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
false alarm, still single
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
