i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
