One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize