does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
