Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
