Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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