I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize