dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
