dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
