if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
