It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
