i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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