i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize