u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
