so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
