is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
