I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Text me some of your sweat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
