Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are we still banned from the library?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
