last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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