Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
