i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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