It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
