bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
