and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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