how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
