Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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