i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
