It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we should paint friendship bongs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
