Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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