i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
