Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
