you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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