And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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