I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
