can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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