So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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