My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
