i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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