office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
