Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
