I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
