I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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